CCLXXIV (F III, 12)
TO APPIUS CLAUDIUS PULCHER (AT
ROME)
SIDA, 3 AUGUST
I WILL first congratulate you—for
that is what the order of events demands: and then
I will speak of myself. I do warmly congratulate
you on the result of the trial for bribery, and
not on what nobody ever had any doubt
about—your acquittal—but on
the fact which, the better citizen, the more
illustrious man, the more loyal friend you are,
the greater the marks of virtue and industry
distinguishing you, is the -more to be wondered
at, namely, that no secret ill-will was found
lurking even in the concealment of the ballot bold
enough to attack you. It is a fact scarcely
consistent with the circumstances, the men, and
the morals of our day. I have not been so much
struck by anything for a long time past.
Now as to
myself—for a moment put yourself in my
place, and imagine yourself to be just what I am.
If you have no difficulty in finding something to
say, don't excuse my hesitation. I, indeed, would
hope for myself and my Tullia, as you most kindly
and politely express your wishes, that what has
been done by my family without my knowledge may
turn out to our happiness. But that the marriage
happened to take place at that particular
time—I hope and desire that it may not
be wholly without happiness, yet after all it is
your wisdom and kindness which gives me more
ground for that hope than the opportuneness of it.
1
Accordingly, I cannot think how to
end what I have begun to say; for I ought not to
make any gloomy remark on an event which you
honour with your felicitations, and yet after all
there is something in it which stings me. But in
this matter there is one thing of which I am not
afraid of your not being fully aware that what was
done was done by others, to whom I have left a
charge that during my absence they should not
refer to me, but should act on their own judgment.
Here I am met by the question, "What would you
have done if you had been at home?" I should have
approved of the match; as to the time, I should
have done nothing without your consent, or without
consulting you. You see how I have all this time
been sweating under the hard task of finding how
to maintain what I am bound to maintain, and yet
not offend you. 2 Relieve me, then, of
this burden: for I think I have never handled a
more difficult cause. Be sure of this in any case:
had I not at that very time already completed the
whole business with the greatest zeal for the
maintenance of your highest
reputation—although I think my old
affection for you admits of no
addition—yet when this marriage was
announced to me, I should have defended your
honour, not indeed with greater zeal, but more
keenly, openly, and markedly. On my way from my province, after the
conclusion of my year of command, as I was
approaching Sida on board ship, accompanied by Q.
Servilius, a letter from home was delivered to me
on the 3rd of August. I at once told
Servilius—for he seemed somewhat put
out— that he might expect greater
exertions on my part in all ways. In short: I have
not become at all better disposed to you than I
was, but I have become much more energetic in
declaring my good disposition. For as our old
difference made me more on my guard against giving
any ground for thinking our reconciliation
feigned, so this new marriage connexion gives me
fresh anxiety to avoid the appearance of any
diminution of my extreme affection for you.
SIDA, 3 AUGUST