CCCLXI (A IX, 7)
TO ATTICUS (AT ROME)
FORMIAE, 13 MARCH
I wrote you a letter on the 12th of March, but
the messenger to whom I intended to give it did
not start on that day. But there did arrive that
very day that "swiftfoot" mentioned by Salvius. He
brought me your full and very interesting letter,
which did, so to speak, put just a
drop of life into me: for wholly restored I can't
say that I am. But you have clearly done the main
thing. Yes, believe me, a prosperous issue for me
is not now my aim at all: for I see plainly that
we can never have our constitution, either while
these two men are both alive, or with this one
remaining. Accordingly, I no longer entertain any
hope of repose for myself, nor refuse to
contemplate any amount of sorrow. The one thing I
do positively dread is doing, or, I should say,
having done anything dishonourable. So be assured
that your letter was wholesome for me, and I don't
only mean this longer one-the most explicit and
complete possible—but also the shorter
one, in which what gave me the most intense
pleasure was the statement that my policy and
action had the approval of Sextus. I am
exceedingly obliged to you, of whose affection to
myself and keen sense of what is right I am well
aware. 1
Your longer letter,
indeed, relieved not only myself, but all my party
from painful feelings. So I will follow your
advice and remain at Formiae: I shall thus avoid
the scandal of a meeting with him outside the
city, or, if I see him neither here nor there,
giving him the impression of his having been
intentionally avoided by me. As to your advice to
ask him to allow me to shew the same consideration
for Pompey, as I have shewn to
himself—that you will see from the
letters of Balbus and Oppius, of which I sent you
copies, I have been doing all the time. I send you
also Caesar's letter to them, written in quite a
sane frame of mind, considering the insanity of
the whole business. If, on the other hand, Caesar
will not make this concession to me, I see your
opinion is that my rôle should be that of the
peacemaker. In this it is not the danger that I
fear—for with so many hanging over my
head, why not settle the matter by choosing the
most honourable ?-but what I do fear is
embarrassing Pompey; and that he should turn upon
me “The monster Gorgon's petrifying
glare.”
2 For our friend Pompey has set his heart to
a surprising degree on imitating
Sulla's reign. I am not speaking without book, I
assure you. He never made less of a secret of
anything. "With such a man," you will say, "do you
wish to be associated?" I follow personal
obligation, not the cause: as I did in the case of
Milo, and in—but there is no need to go
into that. "Is not the cause, then, a good one?"
Nay, the best: but it will be conducted, remember,
in the most criminal way. The first plan is to
choke off the city and Italy by starving them; the
next, to devastate the country with sword and
fire, and not to keep their hands off the money of
the wealthy. But seeing that I fear the same from
Caesar's side, without any good to be got on
Pompey's, I think my better course is to stay at
home, and there await whatever comes. Yet I hold
myself to be under so great an obligation to him,
that I do not venture to incur the charge of
ingratitude. However, you have yourself fully
stated what is to he said in defence of that
course. As to the triumph,
I quite agree with you: it will not cost me a
moment's hesitation or a pang to throw it utterly
aside. I much like your idea that, while I am
moving about the country, "the moment for sailing
" 3 may suddenly present itself. " If only,"
say you, "Pompey shews a resolute front enough."
He is even more resolute than I thought. You may
pin your faith on him. I promise you that, if he
wins, he will not leave a tile on any roof in
Italy! "You his ally, then?" Yes, by Hercules,
against my own judgment, and against the warnings
of all history; and—not so much to help
his side, as to avoid seeing what is going on
here—I am anxious to quit the country.
For pray don't imagine that the mad proceedings of
the party in Italy will be endurable or all of one
kind. I need hardly, however, point out to you,
that when laws, jurors, law courts, and senate are
abolished, neither the fortunes of individuals nor
the revenues of the state will suffice for the
licentious desires, the shameless demands, the
extravagances, and the necessities of so many men
in the lowest depths of poverty. Let me depart,
therefore, never mind by what kind of voyage-that,
indeed, shall be as you please—but
anyhow let me depart. For I, at
least, shall be able to satisfy your curiosity on
one point, as to what has been done at Brundisium.
I am very glad-if one can be glad of anything
now—to hear that my conduct up to this
has the approval of the loyalists, and that they
are aware of my not having started. As to
Lentulus, I will make more careful inquiry: I have
given orders about it to Philotimus, a man of
courage and even too strong an Optimate. The last
thing I have to say is this: supposing you are now
at a loss for something to write
about—for any other subject is out of
the question, and what more can be found to say on
this ?-yet, as there is no lack of ability (I mean
it, by Heaven!) or affection on your part, which
latter also adds a spur to my own intellect, pray
maintain your practice of writing all you possibly
can. I am a little vexed at your not inviting me
to Epirus; I shouldn't give much trouble as a
guest! But good-bye; for as you must have your
walk and anointing, so I must have some sleep. In
fact, your letter has made sleep possible for me.
FORMIAE, 13 MARCH
