M. Tullius Cicero, Letters to Atticus
Evelyn Shuckburgh, Evelyn S. Shuckburgh, Ed.

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DCCXLIX (A XV, 20)

I have thanked Vettienus, for nothing could have been kinder. Let Dolabella give me any commissions he chooses, even to take a message to Nicias. ¹ For who, as you say, will care to ask questions ? ² Or does anyone with any sense in his head doubt that my departure is an act of despair, and not really a legation? You say that men are using certain extremist expressions about public affairs, and that too men of sound loyalty. Well, ever since I heard of his speaking of the tyrant in a public meeting as "that most illustrious man," ³ I began to have qualms of doubt: but when along with you I saw our heroes at Lanuvium with no hope of life but what they received from Antony, I gave it up for lost. And so, my dear Atticus, I would have you receive what I am going to say with the same courage as that with which I write it. Regarding the kind of death experienced by Catulus ⁴ as shocking, and yet as in a manner already pronounced against us by Antony, I have resolved to escape from this net, not with a view to flight, but with a hope of a better sort of death. For this Brutus is entirely to blame. You say that Pompeius has been received at Carteia, ⁵ so we shall presently see an army sent against him. Which camp am I to join then? For Antony makes neutrality impossible. The one is weak, the other criminal. Let us make haste therefore. But help me to make up my mind-Brundisium or Puteoli? Brutus for his part is starting somewhat suddenly, but wisely. I feel it a good deal, for when shall I see him again. ⁶ But such is life. Even you cannot see him. Heaven confound that dead man for ever meddling with Buthrotum! But let us leave the past. Let us look to what there is to do.

The accounts of Eros, though I have not yet seen him personally, I yet know pretty thoroughly from his own letter and Tiro's report. You say that I must raise a fresh loan for five months, that is, till the 1st of November, of 200 sestertia: ⁷ that on that day a certain sum of money falls in owed by Quintus. As Tiro tells me that you would not have me come to Rome on that business, please see, if it does not bore you too much, where to raise the money and put it down to my account. That is what I see for the present to be necessary. As to other details I will demand a stricter account from Eros himself-among other things as to the rents of the dower properties. ⁸ If these are faithfully collected for the benefit of my son, though I wish him more liberally provided, yet he will have pretty well as much as he needs. And indeed I see that I shall want some journey-money also. But my son will be paid from these properties as the money comes in. I, on the contrary, need a lump sum. The fact is that though that trembler at shadows ⁹ appears to me to have his eye on massacre, I am nevertheless not going to budge unless the payment of the money is arranged. But whether it has been arranged or not I shall learn when I see you. I thought this ought to be written by my own hand, and I have accordingly so written it. Yes, you are right about Fadius—not in any case to anyone else. ¹⁰ Please answer this today.