But since, to quote Euripides,
1
‘not everything connected with old age is bad,’ and the same
thing holds true also of our friends' fatuity, we
ought to keep close watch upon our friends not only
when they go wrong but also when they are right,
and indeed the first step should be commendation
cheerfully bestowed. Then later, just as steel is
made compact by cooling, and takes on a temper
as the result of having first been relaxed and softened
by heat, so when our friends have become mollified
and warmed by our commendations we should give
them an application of frankness like a tempering
bath. For the right occasion gives us a chance to
say, ‘Is this conduct worthy to compare with that ?
Do you see what fruits honour yields ? This is
what we your friends demand ; this befits your own
character; nature intended you for this.’ But those
other promptings must be exorcised—
Off to the mountain or else to the surge of the loud-roaring
ocean.2
For as a kind-hearted physician would prefer to
relieve a sick man's ailment by sleep and diet rather
than by castor and scammony, so a kindly friend, a
good father, and a teacher, take pleasure in using
commendation rather than blame for the correction
of character. For nothing else makes the frank
person give so little pain and do so much good by his
words, as to refrain from all show of temper, and to
approach the erring good-humouredly and with kindliness. For this reason they should not be sharply
refuted when they make denial, nor prevented from
[p. 391]
defending themselves; but we should in some way
or other help them to evolve some presentable
excuses, and, repudiating the worse motive, provide
one more tolerable ourselves, such as is found in
Hector's
3 words to his brother :
Strange man ! 'Tis not right to nurse this wrath in
your bosom,
as though his withdrawal from the combat were not
desertion, or cowardice, but only a display of temper.
And so Nestor
4 to Agamemnon :
But you to your high-minded spirit
Gave way.
For a higher moral tone, I think, is assumed in saying
‘You acted unbecomingly’ rather than ‘You did
wrong,’ and ‘You were inadvertent’ rather than
‘You were ignorant,’ and ‘Don't be contentious
with your brother’ rather than ‘Don't be jealous of
your brother,’ and ‘Keep away from the woman
who is trying to ruin you’ rather than ‘Stop trying
to ruin the woman.’ Such is the method which
frankness seeks to take when it would reclaim a
wrongdoer ; but to stir a man to action it tries the
opposite method. For example, whenever it either
becomes necessary to divert persons that are on the
point of going wrong, or when we would give an
earnest impulse to those who are trying to make a
stand against the onset of a violent adverse impulse,
or who are quite without energy and spirit for what
is noble, we should turn round and ascribe their
action to some unnatural or unbecoming motives.
Thus Odysseus, as Sophocles
5 represents him, in
trying to rouse the spirit of Achilles, says that
Achilles is not angry on account of the dinner, but
[p. 393]
Already at the sight of builded Troy
You are afraid.
And again when Achilles is exceedingly indignant
at this, and says that he is for sailing away, Odysseus
says
I know what 'tis you flee; not ill repute,
But Hector's near ; it is not good to stay.6
So by alarming the spirited and manly man with an
imputation of cowardice, the chaste and orderly with
an imputation of licentiousness, the liberal and lordly
with an imputation of pettiness and stinginess, they
give to such persons an impulse toward what is
noble, and turn them away from what is disgraceful,
proving themselves moderate in matters beyond
remedy, and owning more to sorrow and sympathy
than to blame in their frank speaking ; but in efforts
to prevent the commission of error and in any
wrestling with the emotions they are severe, inexorable, and unremitting. For this is the right time
for a resolute goodwill and genuine frankness.
Blame for past deeds is a weapon which we see
enemies using against each other. Whereby is
confirmed the saying of Diogenes that as a matter
of self-preservation, a man needs to be supplied with
good friends or else with ardent enemies ; for the
former instruct him, and the latter take him to task.
But it is better to guard against errors by following
proffered advice than to repent of errors because of
men's upbraiding. This is the reason why it is
necessary to treat frankness as a fine art, inasmuch
as it is the greatest and most potent medicine in
friendship, always needing, however, all care to hit
the right occasion, and a tempering with moderation.
[p. 395]
